Andrea Nicholas

As many of you know, my beloved, Matthew, and I attended a workshop recently. Not just any workshop, but the Tantra Meets BDSM one that has been swirling around both the internet and in “conscious” communities! 

For context’s sake, we orient to the tantra side of things. My background is all things sacred sexuality - tantra itself, the psychology of sexuality, taoism, sex magick, etc. 

What it is not in, though, is BDSM… 

(Well, with exception of that one dungeon we went to with a couple of friends, just to see what all the hype was about. We got dressed up in vampy, black attire…only to show up and have the event be filled with a lot of people in wrinkled khakis! Ha.) 

Sure, we have a few saucy playthings around the house, but are rather tame with it all. (Personally, I never understood the draw to pain and far preferred to flood my body solely with pleasure.) 

Buttttt despite being firmly rooted in the “reaching god through divine pleasure” camp, we couldn’t ignore the amount of friends who were, not only attending the workshop, but also singing its praises! 

It was already very much on our radar when we found out it was happening here in Austin. When Alexa and Jordan invited us personally and we learned a handful of other friends were attending as well, I decided to really start digging! 

I’m super picky (aka discerning), when it come to events I attend, as it is. 

1. This topic is an edgy one and I do feel that (as with most areas that involve sexuality) there are many containers that have an undercurrent of misaligned/leaky energy. 
2. We hold containers/workshops ourselves and, as such, we have a whole different standard for what that looks like. 

And so I asked alllll the questions… 

• Who are Laurie Handlers and Om Rupani + what do our mutual friends/people who had attended the workshop think of them? (GLOWING recommendations from every single person I asked FYI.) 
• How is the workshop held (boundaries, consent, leaky energy, etc.) 
• Is it simple to opt-out of exercises we might not desire to participate its? 
• What type of crowd typically attends? 

After hearing all positive/affirmative things from our friends,  we ended up deciding to attend! 

Now, I won’t go into the details of all the practices -  1) we vowed secrecy ;) and 2) mystery is delicious - but I will share our overall experience… 

The Vibe/Crowd:

I was actually surprised by who attended! In my mind, I thought it might draw in a more “fringe/edgy” crowd. In reality, the majority were a “hip” group of 30-something year olds, who knew a bit about tantra and were into self-growth. Half of the group were couples and most local to the area, with a handful of who flew in specifically for the workshop. (In hindsight, this does make sense, seeing as those already in the BDSM world wouldn’t actually be the target audience!)  The event was full, but in a way that made it feel well-attended  vs. overly packed. Now, naturally, I can’t attest to how it will be at all of their events/who will attend, but they do seem to attract certain crowd that I personally do resonate with. 

The Teachers:

Om and Laurie were quite true to how they show up online. Definitely a no fluff “New York” vibe. While I’m used to both attending and imbuing my own events with lots of feminine essence, this is a preference type of thing vs. a dealbreaker…simply something to note if you also are used to “softer” tantra events. 

The Curriculum:

It was a mix of practical education and then hands-on practices. They clearly are knowledgeable about the topics and quite familiar with being in the teacher roles. The tantric philosophy and BDSM energetics did indeed flow well together! There was a lot of information shared in the two days and there admittedly could’ve been more time allotted to a couple of the practices, but that also is just the nature of packing loads of info into a short event. All that said, I’d be remiss not to mention that some of the demos and practices were far from tame. (There was one in particular that I almost chose out of. I ended up deciding to lean in, though, and was pleasantly surprised to realize I’d built it up in my mind a lot more than needed.) Be prepared that it will likely bring some stuff up for you… Some of the viewpoints shared are raw, edgy, and certainly not PC. Consensual  nｕdity was involved in one of the demos given and about half the class chose to be  nｕde for our partner practices. If you attend, you’ll get to filter all the things shared through your own moral compass and decide what you’re willing to do/not do. 

And - probably the most important… 

Who I Feel It’s For/Not For: 

Dear people… 

THIS. EVENT. IS. NOT. FOR. EVERYONE. 

I feel this is the most important thing to preface. 

Because of the sensitive nature of the topics being worked with, I strongly believe that it’s only truly aligned for a select group of people to attend. 

Those people… 

• Are highly attuned to their boundaries and are practiced in maintaining them. (This is true for everyone who attends, but especially applicable if you’re attending as a single person.) It’s vital that you are wholly able to own your yes/no and say things like, “Actually, I don’t desire to participate in this practice” or “Thank you for asking, but I’d like to work with a different partner.” Please do not enter into a container like this with wishy-washy boundaries. 

 

• Have a level of a familiarity with events of a sexual/sensual nature and how to navigate them. As I mentioned earlier, varying degrees of nudity are involved in some practices and some people will be in their turn on. (Nothing “overtly sexual” was happening, but there certainly was sexual energy being charged up.) It’s important that this a) isn’t a massive trigger point for you and b) that you know how to conduct yourself in these situations. One of the paramount thing that Matthew and I teach first in our tantra workshops is how to keep your sexual energy sovereign - you can be turned on and in a room full of people (yes, even naked people!) and not being leaking your sexual energy all over everyone. This wasn’t something that was specifically taught here, so, in my perspective, it’s on you to already be familiar with this going in. 

 

• Are masters of discernment and navigating their triggers. I spoke into it earlier, but even for those who like us who have a lot of experience being in and holding “edgy” containers, things still came up. (There was a moment where Matthew and I stepped outside to breathe together and drop in, because we had a trigger arise. It wasn’t actually related to the practice happening, but it did arise, which meant we got to work through it on the spot!) It would be highly unlikely that you would make it through the workshop with not a single trigger. As such, I think it’s necessary that anyone going into the container both know that and be fully prepared to move through it. I also will invite you into the knowing that you don’t have to agree with or go along with every single thing to glean loads of wisdom (there are 100% things that I didn’t take on). Release what doesn’t land for you and receive what does! 

Soooooo - 

All of that said, do I recommend the Tantra Meets BDSM workshop? 

>>> I do…for the people mentioned above. <<< 

It was a highly educational and super fun experience to have with my partner! It also opened up my eyes to a lot of new practices we can incorporate in our love life and clarified some misconceptions/judgements I had around the BDSM community. The couple triggers that I had were far outweighed by the wisdom shared and clear teaching style. (Learning about the BDSM piece specifically was an edge for me and I can’t really see myself having learned about it in a different container.) You very well might even see us at a level 2 workshop in the future! 

And, if you do decide to attend any, you’re welcome to receive discount by using the code: Andrea 

_______ 

I’m curious to hear if any of you have attended a Tantra Meets BDSM workshop and what your experience was! 

(And, if there are any questions I missed in the above.)

 

One of the essential elements of an 
integrated s∈x-life/relationship with your body 
is only being entered when the body 
is wholly ready and receptive. 

My loves - it is your sovereign responsibility 
to only allow your body to be entered 
when you are truly ready to be. 

When each cell in your body is a 
resounding YES and you've become 
a beckoning invitation! 

For when we allow ourselves to be entered 
before this point, we program an unhealthy 
relationship with our body our body by 
essentially telling her, “I don’t care about 
your readiness, you are not safe to 
convey your timing, and I won’t 
listen either way.” 

(To be clear, this is referring solely to aligned, consensual dynamics. My heart aches with the awareness that countless women still encounter scenarios where they have no choice in the matter and this makes it all the more vital that women who DO stop overriding their body’s truths.) 

Every woman I have worked with around 
this topic can think back to many scenarios 
in which they overrode their body asking for 
more time before being entered. For most 
women, in fact, this is actually what's 
occurring in the majority of their 
encounters (including during 
self-pleasure). 

And know that I also speak on this from 
experience here as, for many years, 
I was one of them… 

________________ 

So - if we know our bodies aren’t 
actually ready, why do we push through 
and allow ourselves to be entered/ 
enter ourselves too soon? 

3 Common Reasons: 

≗ Mentally, we think we are a yes, 
but our bodies “just aren’t cooperating” 
at the moment, so we choose to make 
the body comply with the mind, pushing 
past any tightness/resistance/pain. 

≗ We feel guilty that a partner has been 
doing "all the right things” for a long 
period of time and we still aren’t 
responsiveness and we don’t 
want them to feel bad. 

≗ There is only a small window of time to 
engage with ourself/another so instead of 
trusting the timing and working with our body 
patiently, we force the timeline. 

Sound familiar? 

While it might give you the instantaneous gratification of pleasure, as I began to speak into above, this pattern creates deep distrust with your yoni (vagina/vulva/womb). You are essentially telling your body she is not safe with neither you nor your partner. Subtle trauma is introduced both physically and energetically, which compounds each time you choose it. And for those who already have traumatic yonic imprinting from past experiences, it can be far more serious. 

_____________ 

What to Do Instead: 

⋖ Spend some time reflecting back 
and get clear if this is indeed a pattern. 

⋖ Sincerely apologize to your body 
for the times it has occurred - 
this often will look like a deep 
grieving process and 
vaginal de-armoring. 

⋖ Commit to yourself/your body 
that you will no longer allow yourself 
to be entered/enter her before she’s 
fully ready. (Even doing a “trial” for 
a just few weeks will give you 
time to get to know her more.) 

⋖ Explain to your partner(s) that you’re 
going to be working a new practice and 
share a bit about what it will look like, 
to offer a smoother transition 
as you create the boundary. 

⋖ Learn your body’s signals/ 
communication intricately. 

⋖ Tune in so deeply when you are with 
yourself/another, that you can literally 
feel a pulsing invitation to be penetrated - 
the full-bodied yes! 

⋖ Above all - be gentle with 
yourself as you navigate this new 
way of engaging. There is no need 
to add self-shame on top of it all. 

(There is so much more depth in this process that I can hardly even begin to encapsulate it in this one post. We dive deep into the practices so that you can learn art of listening fully to to your body in my online group courses. While none are currently enrolling, I do invite you to stay tuned or message me about future ones, if you feel a call in your womb. xo) 

And, while this share was obviously directed toward those receiving, another is brewing for those who are doing the entering! 
_______________ 

I’m curious for any souls willing to share, what has your relationship been with listening to your body and receiving? 

 

?: captured by my love, Matthew Ayriss, when I realized I didn't have a photo to go with this post. I feel so supported by this man!

Feeling stressed? Grab your breasts! 

Seriously, though... 

Not only 
are our breasts 
major centers of both 
intuition and pleasure, they 
are also a huge source of comfort. 

(Nature’s built in stress balls!) 

From the moment we come 
onto this planet, breasts 
are the place we go for 
sustenance, nurture, 
connection, and 
soothing. 

We women are 
blessed to have these 
comfort-sources with us at 
all times, yet it’s easy to forget 
how much of a resource they are. 

If you’re feeling... 
stressed, 
ungrounded, 
overwhelmed, 
or disconnected 
from your body, 

I invite you take 
even just a moment to 
pause, connect with your 
breasts (this can look like lightly 
cupping, stroking, squeezing or something 
else entirely, depending on what your 
particular situation 
calls for) and 
b r e a t h e. 

If you have some free time available 
and/or are really feeling called to go deeper, 
why not carve out some space, pull out a 
nice oil, and give yourself a luxurious 
breast massage? 

Either way, 
whether it’s for just 
a moment of connection or 
an entire long session, 
your body is sure to 
thank you for 
tuning into 
HER. ? 

P.S. Yes, yes, men... 

Of course, 
connecting to 
them is incredibly 
soothing for you too 
and decreases stress - 
but make sure the breasts 
you’re grabbing are connected 
to a very willing and collaborative 
person! (And, on the note, give 
those breasts some extra 
loving and they’re sure 
to offer you lots of 
goodness too!) 
_____________ 

Ladies, what 
is your relationship 
with your, well, ladies? ??? 

 

Share below! 

Artist: Unknown (does anyone know who created this boob-magic art?)

{ 3 Types of Sacred Orgasms for Women } 

C L I T O R A L : 

Sometimes called "thunderbolt orgasms," these manifest differently for each woman who experiences them. The key here to allowing them to be both fulfilling and nourishing is to not allow the energy to "leak" outward. 

Notice how you feel post-orgasm. Are you energized or drained? This is a great indicator if your energy is staying contained within you or leaving your body. 

If you feel the energy is explosive/leaking out, my invitation is to intentionally circulate the energy through the body (via various breath work + tantric practices) and literally ask yourself, “What would it feel like and what can I do to have this energy be implosive?” Trust your bodies intuitive wisdom. 

Y O N I C / V A G I N A L : 

This type of orgasm emanates from within, expanding from and through the yoni. Many women find this type to be more nourishing and expansive than clitoral. 

Often, the g-spot is the central point of this orgasm, blended with the internal portion of the clitoris. Additionally, the external clitoris can be stimulated too, for a delicious combination. 

“The energy of this orgasm travels through the center of the spine and activates at the heart—it feels more like a deep bass drum.” - Psalm Isadora 

C E R V I C A L : 

Crowned by some the “holy grail” of female orgasms, these reach to the depths of a woman’s essence. 

The mythical experience blossoms from deep within and is as powerful as it is mysterious. For most women, it takes a deep level of devotion, trust, and respect from the giver. 

The pulsing orgasmic expressions opens not just the body of the woman receiving, but the heart and spirit. They dance with an energetic orgasmic experience and bring deep healing. 

(Note: When I say “woman,” is it speaking to the majority of my audience. This absolutely still applies to anyone who is non-binary/does not identify with the “she” pronoun, but still has a yoni.) 

Artwork: Sierra Sullivan

 

“You think everything can be solved with sex… 

...and I like it!” 

This was said to me recently 
and, truly, it's spot on! 

I believe nearly everything in 
romantic relationship can be: 

healed, 
resolved, 
catalyzed, 
alchemized, 
and connected 
through the body. 

Anger? Bitterness? 
Sadness? Lethargy? 
Ungrounded? Disconnected? 

>>> S E X <<< 

Purify it within... 

F*ck it out of the body... 

Channel SOURCE 
through your being... 

So much becomes available when 
you begin drawing on the power, 
sacredness, & life-nourishing 
energy of sexuality. 

If it's not being used to create a baby, 
it's being used for something else, my loves. 

Far too many people are just 
squandering this metaphysical 
- and literal - elixir! 

So... where is yours going 
AND where would you like it to go? 

(Note: This goes for working within a container with your partner and working with your own body in a self-pleasure/healing practice.)

 

{photo source unknown} 

 

Cat Calling vs. Authentic Acknowledgement 

YES, men can compliment/admire a woman they don’t know and have it resonate... ✨ 

The key that allows it to light women up, instead of repel us, is all in the energy the admirer comes to us with. (Delivery helps, of course, but the energy is what carries the essence.) 

Cat Calling (and leering): 
- misplaced sexual energy 
- aggressive 
- assumes entitlement to a woman’s body 
- non-discerning and low level 
- often a power play 
- from an energy of taking 
- misaligned 

Authentic Acknowledgement: 
- stemming from gratitude 
- in an energy of giving 
- coming from genuine appreciation and admiration 
- offered with discernment and intention 
- high level and aligned 
- no expectation 
- honors the receiver 

Men, when you’re feeling drawn to acknowledge/admire a woman while out and about, please check in with yourself first and see where your energy is. 

Is it coming from an aligned space? 

Are you honoring her [and, in doing that, yourself as well]? 

What is your intention? 

Because of the negatively charged cat calls that most women have experienced, many completely shut down to even healthy receiving... 

To self-protect, they’ve numbed their ability to receive from the masculine and lump both aligned/misaligned energy together, shunning admiration entirely. 

This is where our work comes in, sisters. I invite you to learn what it is like to receive from a safe, aligned, genuine source. (Which may get to start with men in your inner circle and then eventually branch outward). 

Men, please note that, because of an experience(s) a woman may have had, she might not be receptive whatsoever, even if you come to her with aligned energy. This is okay. She’s in her process. I invite you to not take it personally and honor this. 

(Note: Yes, women can obviously cat call too. I personally have never experienced that myself, though, nor have references of friends having experienced it, so I’m sticking in my wheelhouse for this post. If you’re familiar with women cat calling and are comfortable sharing, you are welcome to.?) 

Words: Andrea E Nicholas 
Photo: Two Thirds Honey

>> Full Spectrum Man << 

Reveal to me a man… 

Who walks with the 
sure and steady steps of a warrior; 
the echo of his battle cry resounding. 

Who allows himself to feel deeply; 
heart tender and cheeks painted 
with unconcealed tears. 

Who trains his mind, body, heart, and lingam; 
so that he may have the purest vessel 
to serve his mission on this planet. 

Who spends endless hours worshipping 
at the temple between my legs; 
devoted wholly to the magic of our 
sacred union and its alchemy. 

Who can hold me in all versions of my expression; sacred and profane, 
contracted and expanded; 
honoring my roars - both of 
rapture and of sorrow. 

Who stands beside his fellow man; 
brotherhood...bonded in holy alliance. 

Who bares witness to wombyn-kind; 
honoring, protecting, and exalting 
his sisters in our expression. 

Who can withstand the heat 
of the purifying fire - flames 
burning away that which no 
longer serves - and walk 
away emblazoned. 

Who penetrates life entirely; 
each and every dimension 
opened by his presence and potency. 

Who intuits when to wrap me up 
in tender embrace and when 
to pin me down with fervor. 

Who has practices discernment and 
utter integrity, in all facets of his life. 

Who laughs from deep within his belly, 
allowing joy and delight to spread 
throughout his entire being. 

Who plays from his inner child; 
rolling around with glee and meeting the 
little ones within the people around him. 

Who guides my body as we move through life; 
protecting and leading as his 
natural way of being. 

Who savors refinement; 
the taste of rare experiences, 
a polished finesse and the sophisticated 
side of this human experience. 

Who is an aligned steward to his success; 
knowing the more prosperity he creates, 
the more he is able to transform the planet. 

Who expresses wholly with body and voice; 
his truth conveyed outwardly, 
through movement and sound. 

Who honors the land and her people; 
a sacred change-maker and chain-breaker. 

. 

May he embody all of this and more. 

. 

May I meet him entirely & with my full spectrum. 

. 

And so it is. 

. 
. 
Words: Andrea E Nicholas 
Photography: unknown

 

You’re a human being, not an air freshener! ? 

Let’s talk about your body's natural odor and why it doesn’t always serve to cover it up. 
. 

Do you know your body's scent 
carries loads of information? Including: 
. 

If you’re a good 
match with someone 
in the bedroom! ??? 
. 

Seriously, darlings. 
. 

It is vital to smell your 
[perspective] partner’s 
natural scent, to see if 
it appeals to you! 
. 

Your olfactory glands take 
in their “body codes” and indicate if 
your body chemistry aligns with theirs. 

. 

(Not to mention, if you would eventually 
be a good - i.e. diverse - genetic 
match to have children together. ? 

. 

Not being acquainted 
with your love’s body odor 
and choosing a genetically 
similar person could lead to 
infertility issues, miscarriages, 
and children with weaker immune 
systems...which all obviously can 
take a toll on a relationship.) 

. 
Rather important to know, eh? 

. 
When going out with someone, 
many people slather on various 
scents (yes, even natural ones 
like essential oils count, haha!). 
. 

What if you tried out going 
au natural sometimes? ? 

Letting the person 
actually take in, 
well, you? 

(Obviously, I’m not saying show up 
not having showered in three and 
a half days...but simply seeing 
what happens when you 
mammal it up a bit.) ? 
. 

Have you ever had that experience where 
someone is physically attractive to you, 
but once you smell them or taste them, 
it just doesn’t appeal to you? 
. 

That is super important info! ? 
. 

While I know many of you who follow me 
on here probably left conventional 
birth control behind long ago, over 
TEN MILLION women in the US 
still turn to the pill (a whole other 
topic to dive into later). 
. 

This has an effect that’s rarely 
spoken about in the mainstream: 
. 

It massively alters women’s olfactory 
system...which means, quite literally, that 
she cannot sniff out a good mate. ?? 
. 

A widespread issue that’s happened as 
a result of this is women getting off birth 
control to have children with a long-term 
partner...only to realize that the attraction 
isn’t actually there with him and/or having 
the aforementioned fertility issues. 
. 

This can all be prevented by being intentional 
about it early on in relationship and, of course, 
using a more natural birth control method, 
like cycle tracking. ? 
. 

(Note: Various hormonal, mineral, or nutrient 
imbalances can also throw off our scent. 
So my invitation is to know if that’s a factor 
in your dynamic. Additionally, know that a 
woman's scent changes based on where 
she is on her cycle; she likely will smell 
a lot more scrumptious to you 
- aka "Eau de DoMeNowIAmFertile" - 
when she's around her ovulation peak.) 

——————- 

I‘m incredibly curious.... 

Do you let your natural scent out? ? 

Have you had experiences with either 
being super drawn to someone’s 
smell or turned off by it? 

__________ 

?: Jenna McElroy

 

? ? You don’t have to engage with every single

soulmate you meet or person you’re drawn to... 

…and you certainly don’t have to go 
round in a loop, giving your energy 
to them / dynamic for months 
(or even years). 
. 
Yes, of course these relationships 
have medicine for us + there is 
wisdom in the belief people 
come into our lives 
for a reason 

::: AND ::: 

We have 

SOVEREIGN CHOICE 

over our lives + who we engage with! 

? 

One of those 
choices can be to 
QUANTUM LEAP through 
these lessons; absorbing and 
alchemizing what would have 
taken much longer, in a 
short amount of time. 
. 
In fact, 
this process 
can be chosen 
upon meeting someone. 

It it totally possible to meet a 
soulmate, tune into the lessons that 
are available in that soul contract, 
and then download them right 
then and there, instead 
of going into a whole 
loop with them. 

? 

I used to be the queen of 
staying entangled for much 
longer than I “needed” to be… 
. 
I have a lot of empathy for that version of 
myself, because she was doing the 
best she could at that time. 

But oh how it is SUCH a blessing 
to have these tools now! 

To be able to step back and tune in, 
instead of immediately becoming 
entangled.... 

I still may choose to dive in, 
but it is now a conscious 
and intentional decision! 

This allows the union 
to feel far more aligned. 

____________ 

Have you ever overstayed in a dynamic; stretching out lessons? 
____________ 

{photo source unknown}

 

 

Bring me your sweat; 

heart pounding, 

veins pulsing, 

aura throbbing. 

. 

Bring me your voice; 

roars unstifled, 

throat wide open, 

truths spoken. 

. 

Bring me your tears; 

heart raw, 

eyes open, 

gaze unaverted. 
 

. 

Bring me your breath; 

deep and slow, 

circulating through the orbit, 

merging with my own. 

. 

Bring me your presence; 

hearts beating as one, 

each sensation honored, 

an unbreakable container forged. 

. 

Bring me your strength; 

unwavering as I storm, 

a safe harbor, 

a space held. 

. 

Bring me your body, 

so that I may trace the 

the belt of orion in your freckles 

and hear the stories told by your scars. 

. 

Show me your strength 

and your weakness. 

. 

Show me your light 

and your darkness. 

. 

Show me your humanness 

and your god-nature. 

. 

Show me your pursuit, 

so that I may surrender. 

. 

Bring me  Y O U 

in your entirety 

or nothing at all… 

…for no other version of you 

will step foot in my temple or 

know the depths of my heart. 

~ Andrea E Nicholas